I had a hard time finding a picture that fit my mentality today. I felt like I needed to, though. I stumbled across this one, of my brother, Daniel Lui. He and I, along with our brothers Ryan Campbell, Erek Smith, and Brian Tinley, were working on my car, taking the tint off (a painfully slow experience) and replacing some worn accessory belts. This particular picture caught my eye because of the stark placement of Lui's hands, and the fact that one is dirty, and the other is clean. It really is like life for the Christian. On the one hand, we are dirty, sinful, and unclean, but on the other hand, we are cleansed by the blood of Christ, that perfect sacrifice of the Divine Love. Dirty, and pure, mutually exclusive. How are we to live in this way?
I was confronted with this conundrum at church this morning, as Pastor Eric delivered his sermon on true worship. He talked about the Communion, what it really means to the believer, and to the non-believer. Our hearts must be right with God when we take Communion, when we partake in the sacrifice of Christ, with Him and with our brethren. A lot of times I view this as focusing my heart before I take Communinion, hoping I can stop worrying about my daily life long enough to ingest the bread and the juice, because if I do that at that moment, then I will not "drink judgement unto myself." This is foolishness. Now, there is nothing wrong with focusing my heart, but my reasoning behind my action is the foolish part. Does God look at me and say, "Ah, very well, his heart was briefly focused on doing good, not wandering as normal, and his mind too! Goodness, I suppose he is ready to take Communion now!" I have a hard time putting those words into God's mouth. Maybe if He said them sarcastically. But think about the rediculousness of it. Does God desire performance? No, of course not. Does he require good deeds out of us, to be accepted by Him? If He did, then Christ died in vain. Indeed, our acceptance was purchased by Jesus Christ Himself, apart from our actions. So what can I do day to day to make my acceptance more full or less full?
But on the other hand, I ought to examine my heart before Communion, lest I be chastised. But I pray God chastise me if I partake in the Lord's Supper with my heart focused on what I can do to make myself worthy of it.
I worship God in filth, but He views me as pure, I give Him dirty rags with my righteousness, but with my love, I give Him what He desires. Weakly I pray to my God, knowing that He is my strength, and I will stay by His side the rest of my days, not by my own will but by his power.
And, unrelated as it may seem (it is not, however), can I say I feel indescribably morose and glad at the same time? Is this the Joy CS Lewis speaks of? I think it may be. I am also tired. I have work today, I have a new day ahead of me. God is with me, and He is good.
With Love.
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